A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Wonderland and it's Magical Fantasy's

At moments in my life I have felt magic in the air, tempting me to rush toward that feeling of lightness, love and wonder; I've experienced it many times in my life, and it keeps me longing for it to remain everlasting. Which obviously means that it is not everlasting as of yet. It's like putting a very long puzzle together and you can't see all the pieces, and you wonder if you'll ever finish the beautiful picture in which you see on the front of the box. Often times I have felt like my life is a little bit like this. Happiness is too good to be true and love is limited and conditional; And usually the one's that are suppose to love you the most, hurt you the most? And the hurt you feel, often times last a limited time, and then you go around feeling guilty for being mad at the people in your life that your suppose to love, even though you feel they have betrayed the love you have for them, for what feels like the hundredth time? People that say they care about your life, often times don't accept responsibility for the pain they've generated. To me accepting responsibility, means that they part from the behavior they exhibited, apologized and stray from showing similar behavior toward you. I've allowed people in my life to continue to show similar behaviors over and over again. The healthy thing for me to do is to remove these toxic people from my life. I know the "answer." Yet, the guilt that is associated with cutting said individuals off consumes me, because that's what I was taught, and straying from programming that I know, feels painful as well.
People that I love have called me so many hurtful names, just for creating healthy boundaries in my life that I feel will help me ultimately create programming for my children that is one step ahead of the programming I received as a child. The pain and abuse I experienced as a child, I'm just supposed to "get over," as though it doesn't affect my life to this very day. I'm not saying I should throw myself a pity party every single day and wallow in it, I'm just saying that the frame work I was given as a child, continues to work it's way into my current life, and often times when I feel as though I'm straying back into that framework from my childhood, I don't know how to get out of it. I'm still learning.
I've always felt like the punching bag, I've felt like I've never been able to wear my own gloves and fight back. And in my recent adult life, I've realized that it's okay for me to put my own set of gloves on and fight for myself and the things I believe in. I'm just done with being put down, I'm done with feeling like the life I live and the choices I make don't matter to anyone in my life that says they care about me. I go out of my way so often, I feel like to be there for other people, yet, I don't see them knocking on my door or making phone calls to go out of their way for me, whom they say they care so much about. I'm done with the games, drama and negativity in my life. If I make a mistake, so what. Be there for me and lift me up, don't stand there and say "I told you so." I'm too hurt to feel guilty for behavior that didn't come from me. I think this might have just turned into a vent, rather than a blog, oh well... ;)

Monday, August 10, 2015

The Poetry of My Past

Often times I find myself rewriting the pages of my past within the current book I'm reading, and though this is familiar territory to me, I know it's territory that is destructive to the outcome of my own chapters in life. When wandering amongst the destructive nature of my mistakes in my present condition, I have come to find out that I see the woman I used to be, not the woman our Father in Heaven has created me to be. My vision seems clouded and my judgment obscured by the mistakes I've made, as if they are bound to haunt me for the completion of my novel. When I allow these lies to seep into my current framework, it's like a virus that takes over my healthy restructured New York Times Best Selling Novel. Why do I return to the original draft of old framework when I KNOW that the current framework I'm working with will lead to success? The plot is amazing, the character is flawless and my writing style is worth every penny a person can spend on a great read. I know deep down inside that I was meant for greatness, I was meant to live a life of happiness and love, and I know that I was meant to share my gift with the world. However, I find that I keep my manuscript on my own bookshelf of tucked away treasures. Hidden in my own house, where few people truly read it's pages, and though I feel ready to make copies and share it with the rest of humanity, fear grips me and holds back the courage begging to surface; it calls me to share the light, to allow the pages to be turned and to finally allow the book to be opened once and for all. To be opened once and for all, is to be flawed. Though it's the best, another person may find a comma out of place, and extra "E" where it shouldn't be, or worst of all, rejection. I'm not sure if I'm afraid of falling or if I'm more afraid of flying? If I fall, I know how to pick myself up. It's the flying that is unfamiliar territory. I've never used my wings in flight, I've talked a lot about using them, but to actually fall from a tree without knowing if they'll sustain me in a journey across the air, is another thing. Kind of like Faith, I suppose. Really, In order to fly, I need to let go. Step away from the tree, onto the ledge, look out into my happiness and jump toward it. Scary stuff. Some do it better than others, and I hope soon enough I can just let go.