A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Saturday, October 4, 2014

The Legacy of Motherhood

 After giving birth to both of my children I realized how much time, energy and commitment motherhood was going to be. For most of my life I didn't think that I would be able to have children because of my kidney disease and I had come to accept this "fact" that doctors repeated to me more times than I can remember. I have fantasized about motherhood and what it would look like to be holding a child within my arms, singing to them at bed time and lovingly looking into their eyes as they call me mommy. My fantasy has become reality and my heart can barely believe sometimes that I have two beautiful children that came from my own womb. I feel incredibly blessed to look into the eyes of my children and see myself. Even with all of these feelings, at times I still often question my choice to stay at home with my children, and I often wonder if the work I do even matters sometimes.
I wake up each morning and feel as though the routine of the day will encompass me in frustration. I have been through many things in my life and I know that raising my children in righteousness is one of the most difficult. In a world where my values are ridiculed and women my age are enjoying careers and increasing their monetary value, I am cleaning poop off the floor, breaking up arguments and feeding two children every hour. The important role I play in the lives of my children often times overwhelms me. I know how important my job as a mother is. I know that the outlook they have on life comes from me, and the environment I choose to put them in, and I can only hope the choices I make regarding my children will give them a fighting chance in this crazy world today. With all of that being said, it still overwhelms me. I wish I had some perfect knowledge of how to be the perfect mom that you see in the books and all put together at the store; but in reality I am far from being book friendly and my children constantly fight whenever I take them grocery shopping. There are times where I feel more of a referee than anything. Actually, I feel like a referee, maid, cook, boo-boo kisser, and monster fighter. Along with a long list of many other titles, I often times don't feel fit to fulfill. I wish I was this person who was uplifted at all times, and in all things, no matter what the situation was, but in reality I feel like some days I'm just trying to make it through breakfast without feeling like I don't even want the day to begin. Waking up feeling like the duties that you set out to accomplish that day don't even matter feels depressing, and often times I force myself to think a different way and I look at my children and remember that this too shall pass, and as many empty nesters have told me, I will miss it. But for now. It's driving me nuts some days. However, today I was reminded that the work of a righteous mother is more important than any other work that can be done. I was also reminded that in order for me to do this work that I truly need to take care of my physical and spiritual well being. I am responsible for myself and for my children. I love them with all my heart and I can pray and work hard to help them along this mortal journey to become the best selves they can. God is always with me and helping me and I believe that with all my heart, and as long as I keep my heart focused on being one with him then all the other stuff I worry about will fall away.

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