A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Learning to Let Go

If there is one thing in my life that I truly struggle with it's the ability to let go of certain emotions or feelings. I know it's better for my emotional and spiritual health when I do let go, however, I know that I've been trained to hold on to "things." These "things" can be emotional weight, spiritual weight, or even physical weight. What is it really to be in control? To control your life? To control your emotions? To control others? We may try to control as much as we can, however the older I get the more I realize that control is just a false sense of reality. However, at times that false sense of reality feels comfortable. It's what I'm used to. It's what I grew up with. Letting go requires one's self to take the plunge into the unknown and trust in nothingness. To trust in nothingness is somewhat normal to me, but to actually know that it's not a person, place or thing but an awareness of inner strength, God's voice, or the Universe's light is so SCARY to me. It means that I have to trust in something I know is true but find hard to always comprehend. For a couple days I've felt saddened at certain things around me and trying to maintain a positive mindset, is so hard when your feeling such an overwhelming sense of wanting to control the situation. BUT, the reality of controlling this particular situation is just crazy. It's not reality, it's madness and I just don't do well with that, I run away from it, even if it's coming from within. (By now, I am sure that I make absolutely no sense what so ever, but most of my writing is self therapy so if your with me, hallelujah, if not....well you might be a control freak yourself. ;)
But how can you run away from yourself? You can't. It's impossible, eventually the real you will always show up somewhere, some how and usually in the "best" of situations if you know what I mean. (Totally being sarcastic here.) Letting go of all the pressure to be who other people think you should be just easy, right? It doesn't feel that way for me. I wish I could write the way I used to. So freely, but I have learned that sometimes refraining from always expressing and sharing what you feel doesn't always help the situation and in this situation, I just don't think it would provide the clarity I need. I don't know. Right now, most of me is running away. The other part of me is being who I have to be. And the real me is stuck somewhere in the middle; Not wanting to run away but also not wanting to hide who I really am based on how other's might respond to my actions. My heart is torn in a few different directions and I am not entirely even sure why, okay maybe I KNOW why but I don't want to admit why. Life is about learning what we can and returning to where we came from, with our Father in Heaven and all that he has for us.
When will I realize that I am good enough to be who I want to be without worrying about other people? I don't know. One day it will be easy. At least that what I hear. lol.
It's okay to Love me, Starr.

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