A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.


Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.


She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.


Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 4 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.


My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Learning to Let Go

If there is one thing in my life that I truly struggle with it's the ability to let go of certain emotions or feelings. I know it's better for my emotional and spiritual health when I do let go, however, I know that I've been trained to hold on to "things." These "things" can be emotional weight, spiritual weight, or even physical weight. What is it really to be in control? To control your life? To control your emotions? To control others? We may try to control as much as we can, however the older I get the more I realize that control is just a false sense of reality. However, at times that false sense of reality feels comfortable. It's what I'm used to. It's what I grew up with. Letting go requires one's self to take the plunge into the unknown and trust in nothingness. To trust in nothingness is somewhat normal to me, but to actually know that it's not a person, place or thing but an awareness of inner strength, God's voice, or the Universe's light is so SCARY to me. It means that I have to trust in something I know is true but find hard to always comprehend. For a couple days I've felt saddened at certain things around me and trying to maintain a positive mindset, is so hard when your feeling such an overwhelming sense of wanting to control the situation. BUT, the reality of controlling this particular situation is just crazy. It's not reality, it's madness and I just don't do well with that, I run away from it, even if it's coming from within. (By now, I am sure that I make absolutely no sense what so ever, but most of my writing is self therapy so if your with me, hallelujah, if not....well you might be a control freak yourself. ;)
But how can you run away from yourself? You can't. It's impossible, eventually the real you will always show up somewhere, some how and usually in the "best" of situations if you know what I mean. (Totally being sarcastic here.) Letting go of all the pressure to be who other people think you should be just easy, right? It doesn't feel that way for me. I wish I could write the way I used to. So freely, but I have learned that sometimes refraining from always expressing and sharing what you feel doesn't always help the situation and in this situation, I just don't think it would provide the clarity I need. I don't know. Right now, most of me is running away. The other part of me is being who I have to be. And the real me is stuck somewhere in the middle; Not wanting to run away but also not wanting to hide who I really am based on how other's might respond to my actions. My heart is torn in a few different directions and I am not entirely even sure why, okay maybe I KNOW why but I don't want to admit why. Life is about learning what we can and returning to where we came from, with our Father in Heaven and all that he has for us.
When will I realize that I am good enough to be who I want to be without worrying about other people? I don't know. One day it will be easy. At least that what I hear. lol.
It's okay to Love me, Starr.

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Love

Love. How do we know we have felt it, and when do we know to give it. I have felt true love a few times in my life. The truest form of Love I have ever felt comes from God. His presence in my life has given me an abundance of clarity and happiness. When I was younger I used to be more willing to accept love, and to believe in it. Life, over time gradually created this shell around my heart, and the more hurt I experienced, the more closed off my heart became. Over time I realized that my ability to recognize love in my life, started to diminish. It wasn't until I reconnected with God, that my heart began to heal from all the anger, pain and resentment I felt at the hurt that I'd experienced through life on earth. What amazes me most about this revelation in my life is this: those that have a direct and passionate relationship with God are those that I find the most comfort in. I find comfort in their likeness to God's characteristics, and I find happiness in the willingness they have to give freely of their own love, just for the sake of loving someone. I have been blessed many times in my recent life to experience this type of love. On so many levels I feel as though I have been given more love than I have the ability to duplicate. However, at the same I know that my relationship with God is firm, and spending time in his presence allows me to fully realize the potential I have to become more and more like him. Because of this realization I am aware that the love I give is from the purest place of my heart, and that it comes from God and his energy and I understand that it's okay to actually feel love without expectation. My heart and mind cannot stop thinking about this love that I have been given. It has without a doubt changed my perspective about life, and what my purpose is. It has helped me find new ways to find happiness. It has given me a renewed sense of hope. God's love can be felt if we allow ourselves to feel worthy enough to receive of that love wherever we may find it. Sometimes, I have found that I don't feel good enough to receive pure love. Who am I to really be loved this way. Who am I to feel this happy? Who am I to NOT feel this way though? I am created of God and his creation is in me and therefore I am worthy of feeling happy, and being loved. So often when I experience something new, and it feels good, it scares me. Seriously. Maybe, I am the only person that has ever felt that way? I tend to run away from good things in my life because I am not used to feeling that way. I am learning to just allow it in my life, without running away from experiencing happiness and God's love. More difficult to do than I thought it would be actually. Also, I am learning that just because the world will hurt me doesn't mean that I have to stop allowing God's love into my life, nor do I have to halt the happiness I've created based solely on the hardships my heart has faced past or present. Even, as I type this though, I know that allowing this to become reality is more difficult that it seems, or is it? I've always felt that I was quite a complicated person, maybe I need to learn to simplify? I've learned about Love this week, and I feel happier because of it. And I am trying to let that happiness become a permanent part of my life. I am grateful for love, and God's decision to create us to give and receive love. Food for though ya'll. ;) Light and Love, Starr

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Consistenly Following Through with my LIFE.

If there is one thing in my life that I haven't quite mastered. It's the ability to follow through with important matters in my personal life in regards to taking care of my own physical, emotional and mental health. I know this stems from my childhood and feeling the need to take care of my mom, dad, and siblings. I've always had this very nurturing spirit, that thinks the needs of others are far more important that my own. This in a way has blessed me many times as I have seen my loved one's grow because of my love and selfless service to them. However, I have also seen it hinder my own growth as well as my loved one's growth.

The obesity card in my family isn't really recognized by many people in my family, as if not talking about our weight, or making fun of ourselves along the way somehow creates our weight issues as being "non-factors." However, many family members also struggle with many health problems that I am sure would be eased with at least some degree of awareness and mindfulness in regards to maintaining a somewhat healthy weight. In many ways, I learned to live in denial about my weight or punish myself (mentally) for being overweight. I feel there is an overwhelming amount of shame in relation to our weight. Also, I truly believe our weight issues stem from using food as a drug to cope with emotional, physical or sexual abuse that has occurred within our family. I am just not willing to live in this mindset any longer. The fact that my Aunt died from heart disease in her 40's on my dad's side, My grandmother died of lung cancer in her 60's and my Aunt on my mom's side died of lung cancer in her 50's; All these facts remind me of the path I want to take for the sake of my children. And Myself. I matter. My health matters. My life Matters. I am important too.

Often times I find myself saying things that I don't follow through with, on a day to day basis, or week to week basis when it comes to taking care of myself physically. I want that to change. I am changing. And the process is a slow one and I happen to be very impatient with it. Life happens and when stress arises, I turn to things that are unhealthy for me. I have learned and programmed all these years to live in an unhealthy manner with many things in my life and I am finally finding the courage to work through things that hurt, both physically and emotionally. I have realized that until I do these things, I cannot truly find ultimate happiness if I don't focus on what makes me feel happy, and true happiness for me has been found when I am living a life that is healthy, whole and balanced.

How am I going to learn to follow through, and really learn how to take care of Starr? I don't know, and that's just the honest truth of it. But I have been investing in myself for a while now and I am sure that my Father in Heaven will find a way to support me in this good venture of life. I know that my happiness matters to him, and that he will help me find the good things in my life. My thoughts give my actions power and I hope that eventually my thoughts will always generate a perspective in my life that creates results that reflect the type of women I want to be. Writing has always been a therapeutic activity for me, and today is not different.

I am so blessed to have a husband, and dad that see me as a beautiful woman. They encourage me and remind me that I live in a shell, but the real me is the spirit that is within me. And our earth life is about learning how to be close to the spirit within. I am grateful for these men that value me, my life and how I feel about it. I am also grateful for women who have shown me a better way to live and support me no matter what choices I make in life.

Light and Love,
Starr