A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Monday, August 6, 2012

As for now...

I have a few moments to myself to "journal." LOL!!! Life for our family has been pretty turned upside down, and there are some days where I have enjoyed the change of pace but there are others days, I can't wait to return back to "normal." Whatever that new normal will be, in terms of bringing Abraham home and recreating a new schedule for our family all over again, just when I thought I had it all worked out with LillyRose. :) Love how children change our plans in about 5 seconds. Like right now, LillyRose is asleep in the bedroom at the Ronald McDonald house and I am cherishing the time I have to blog, but also waiting for the "sound" that will drag me away from the screen. Hospital life has been overwhelming, frusterating and emotional for me. I will be thankful when I don't have to drive to the hospital just to feed my son. My experience with this particular NICU/PCN has not been as wonderful as the last experience I had with my daughter. Many times I have had to voice my wants as a parent and frusterations at the lack of communication on behalf of the nursing staff and doctors. I haven't complained about a hospital in a long time (Trust me when I say I have visited a few in my lifetime) however, I am not pleased with my experience at this particular hospital.

In all the "craziness" I have been trying to focus on finding the spiritual side of this particular experience because I know if I look at that side of all of this that it won't seem quite so overwhelming. My husband has said many times to me: "One day at a time." We are going on a total of 5 weeks in the hospital between my own stay and Abraham's stay in the NICU/PCN and time is getting away from us. We have a 3 week old son, and don't even know where the time has gone, and feel that TIME has been stolen from us, as we wait for him to come home to us.  Time really is so precious when I think about it. I guess that is one lesson that I have learned through this experience is that our time and how we spend it, is so valuable. Even who we spend our time with becomes valuable in life, I suppose? If I could slow time down right now, I would! My son will be a month old before I even get to take him home, and for this mom: It makes me a little sad to know that so much time has gone by before he's even spent one day in our home with his family. So many hands have touched him that don't even know him, more than my own have, and my prayer is that every set that does loves him just as much as I do (or at least close to as much as I do.)

Through all of this I have had three people in my life that have continued to walk with me during this trial: Cameron, my mom and LillyRose. We each have had our own set of feelings about this situation, but we have gotten stronger standing next to eachother than we would have seperately. 

And.....there's the sound....