A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Count your many blessings, name them one by one.

I just read a story about a heroic adventure of a group full of young women that were in a serious car accident on their way to the church event Especially for Youth, where some escaped with their lives, and others were badly hurt. During their 6-7 hour ordeal they did things like sing a church hymn "Count your Many Blessings," During a moment in their lives that could have destroyed them, they found ways to thank God for the things that they did have. One girl's feet were pinned, and the only way she could keep her feet warm, was to place her feet inbetween a purse that happen to be under the seat. What a strong young women, full of hope and bright shining faith! As I read this article I began to cry, I felt for the girls, their families and everything that they had faced, what an extreme amount of courage that each of these young women had. I began to look around me at all the things in my life that are so very important to me, as I began to look at LillyRose, the flood gates opened and I began to be extremely thankful for the miracle that God has placed in my life. LillyRose is such a blessing in my life and as she grows, I can only pray that as I raise her that she may be like unto these young women that showed such steadfastness in a time of trial and tribulation. My heart ponders and questions why these type of things have to happen to such young, and wonderful kids? I have to spend some time with God to be able to understand the answer to my questions. I think in order to understand trials such as these, much time is needed to quietly hear what the spirit says about tribulation, and understanding life on earth, and life to come in the celestial kingdom. Reading this article touched my spirit and the Holy Ghost testified to me that life may bring us hard times, and we may not understand why, but if we trust in God....We will know the answer to our questions.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Innocent Angels

Children are innocent angels and an image that I saw on facebook via one of my friends, continues to disturb my senses and gives me heartache. The picture looked so real, I thought she took it with her own camera, and I still can't believe that something like this would happen, but the fact is, I think it happens all the time! It was a picture of a dead newborn laying in a gutter with the umbilical cord and placenta still attached to the baby, and I can't believe that something like this would ever happen! What is wrong with the world? And it's supposed to get worse than this? How can our world possibly get worse than this? Where life is so under valued and an innocent child is left to rot in a gutter, surrounded by filth and garbage, never to be loved, nurtured or grow to become what God designed? Whenever I see images like this it always makes me question the amount of hope I have left in people of this earth? It makes my heart ache to think that a woman could do this, just leave her child to rot in a gutter? That a woman could be so broken that she doesn't even value the life an innocent child enough to place it somewhere that deserves dignity and respect? And even if the child was dead when it was born that she couldn't take it to a place that would properly give the child the burial it deserves? I will never understand the thought processes that go through women's head's that do these types of things? I mean they are obviously sick, they have to be do to something like this. My prayers will be vigilent tonight.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

What's up with Starr Bar

Well, my little LillyRose is now seven months old and time has gone by so fast and the holiday season is upon me. Every month as I was LillyRose grow, I think about how much she will learn, and how much I will teach her as time goes by. Right now she is learning how to roll over, wiggle around the living room, pick things up with both her hands, put anything in her mouth that she can get her hands on, she recognizes mommy and daddy, I think she is starting to realize when we leave and enter the room. She is such a quiet and content baby. The last few days have been a challenge because her sleep patterns have been a little off, but that could be because I have been putting her to bed to late without realizing it. I am pretty sure that she is teething since she chomps on my finger like it's a four course meal. I am also learning a lot about my own health and body through LillyRose, because I have to pay attention to what she needs, I am also paying attention to things that I need, like a sleep schedule. I have always suffered from insomnia since I was a teenager, but I never realized how much it affected my sleep habits, until I had LillyRose. My habits surrounding sleep are being evaluated because of her, which is good for me and good for our family. I think our biggest issue is actually daddy, laughing out loud, and the weekends. Our little one bedroom apartment seems to be getting too small but I think it's just the fact that we are growing, but I was reading in Daughter's in My Kingdom, and it said that Emma Smith lived in a two bedroom home where eleven people also lived and I thought to myself, if she can handle that, I can handle our tiny one bedroom, with the three of us. :) Mommy University has been quite interesting so far in the last seven months. I have enjoyed it very much. I am not sure if daddy has enjoyed the last couple of rough nights, but he has seemed to cope decently thus far. I have recently started seeing a counselor for some tools to deal with my "trust issues" as my husband calls them. (So true, but I don't want to admit it.) Again, laughing out loud. My physical health has taken a back seat in my mind for some reason, maybe not wanting to face certain things about it, I guess you could say, but deep down I always think about it, one way or another. My physical, mental and emotional self is a little bit stressed out, but overall I am coping well with the everyday issues that life hands me. As the season changes, I find myself thinking about how much my life has also changed in the last couple of years, and how I have dealt with that change, I think I internalize it far more than I used to, that is one thing that has really changed about me. I sued to be able to talk about how I felt fairly easy, but not so much anymore, I am far more analytical than I used to be. In some ways this is useful and in other ways, not so much because I don't always express my feelings when I should. Anyways, it had been a while since I blogged, but I just wanted to update my blog and write for a little bit.