A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Emotional Jumbalaya

So the dish jumbalaya, is a mixture of lots of rich, hearty, and spicy goodness; and that is just about how my heart feels today. I don't know if it's me facing so many things at once, or if it's just because I realize that I am a different person now, I am not quite sure. I do know that I am feeling quite "mixed" up if you will. See, I am this brand new person, right? However, I still have all these "old" thoughts pop into my head from the past, about all the things I did wrong, or people I just shouldn't of had in my life and sometimes these thoughts get me to the point of no return. I need to forgive myself for the things in my life that are gone. All the people that have done me wrong and gone, have forgotten about me, and leave it in the dirt, right? But, because I am such a "thinker" as my dad calls it, I just don't seem to do it that easily. How do I begin to live in the present? That is my question? How do I get out of this "jumbalaya" emotional mix up? I guess, it's like anything else I have gotten myself out of. One day at a time, and try to remember that I am a slow person. I don't adapt to change easily. Do I really want to face all the things in my past? No, I don't. But I am getting to a point in my life, that it is hindering my progress, if I don't. Do I really want to face that old emotional baggage that weighs me down both emotionally and physically? No, I don't. Let's talk about self sabotage here. Deep down, I don't even know what it is, but surface wise, I do. It's when you know you are doing something bad for yourself, but you do it anyways, something along those lines, right? Sometimes, when I think outloud I start to ramble alot, so pay no mind if I make absolutely no sense at all. lol. I thought I learned my lesson in patience with my daughter, but I guess I didn't, because I don't realize that my health is a process that is going to take a long time to recover. right? process, process, process...Is exactly what my brain does, ALL THE TIME now. lol. it's okay to be on the journey, as long as I am on it and moving forward.

1 comment:

  1. Starr, I want you to know that everyone has these kinds of feelings from time to time. You're going through a lot right now and stress tends to bring these things to the surface, but try to remember all you've accomplished! You have a beautiful family and a strong faith in God. He has a plan for you and you're on the right path, just stay close to him and he'll help you through. It is important to "deal with" your past, and as long as you are learning from it as opposed to wallowing in it, you will continue to feel better. I love your positive attitude, it helps me stay positive, too!