A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Monday, July 11, 2011

Change over time.

I have begun to wonder why change is such a difficult task for me? Or rather why creating new habits, and healthy habits are difficult to me? Maybe it's because I am not used to it? Yesterday as I was walking with Cameron, we were down the hill and he said lets walk a little farther? My body screamed: "um, NO" Then my other half said, you can do it. So I did it. Then LillyRose wanted to be fed, so we stopped for a moment to feed her, and I raised my hands above my head and started in about my not so good feeling body. I started to become aware of what I had done to my own body! The lack of excercise, eating unhealthy foods, thinking unhealthy thoughts, and putting unhealthy toxins into my body! Learning to reprogram my thoughts and habits is a very difficult task to accomplish! When I was getting sober from marijuana, it was different. I just put it down and never picked it back up again. With food, it's not like I am never going to eat again. I have to completely change my habits. The food that I buy has to be different. Shopping actually takes more time because I have to read the ingrediants in the food that I buy! I think I realized I was going to fast the other day when I was starting to feel deprived. The only thing I could think about was unhealthy foods. I have been doing a good job and I was being too hard on myself.  I wanted to keep myself accountable for my actions, but also not be so harsh on myself for eating 150 calorie ice cream bar. When before this little journey, I set out on, I would have bought whatever I wanted. I guess I need to realize that it is going to take time to get the results that I want Which, speaking of that. What do I want? I want to be happy. Which in a lot of respects, I am happy. I have things in my life that I never thought I would have. I have a wonderful husband that loves me for who I am, he supports me in my adventures, he makes me laugh, and he is my best friend. He can tell me anything, and I can tell him anything. I am happy because I have a beautiful daughter, that makes me laugh with the littlest things! Her smile. Or if she farts and she laughs with it, I think that is the cutest thing ever! lol! When I hold her in my arms at night as she sleeps, I stare at her and realize that I am holding a miracle from Heavenly Father in my hands. Often times, I find myself wishing that I would have named her Miracle. Between her father and her, they have brought me so much joy. I have joy because of the new relationship that I have with my dad and mom. Over the past three years, I have seen answered prayers in my life. This makes me happy. I have made choices in my life that increase my happines. The second thing I want in my life is my health! Since, I was a kid I have realized that my health was a big part of my life. Going to the doctor all the time for my kidney problems, I think I realized that I had no "control" over that part of my life. There were a lot of things I felt I had no control. I told myself, I had no control over this. However the reality is, that I do have control over my own body. Because I told myself I didn't have any control over my body, I took that for the excuse to not take care of myself. I mean, yes of course I have childhood "things" that I learned and was taught, but I also took that as an excuse not to take care of myself. The truth was I learned things that were good for me, but I wasn't ready to figure it out, I am ready to do it now! Taking care of myself is a new habit, and its as easy as breathing. Without my health, I can't live a truly fulfilling life, and I want to live that for myself and my daughter! I want to be a FIT chick! I deserve to be one! For today, one step at a time, that's what it takes to becoming the woman I want to be. Staying focused! Hope everyone has a great week! Take Care Ya'll!!!

1 comment:

  1. Processed, sugar-, fat- and salt-laden food -- food that is made in a plant rather than grown on a plant, are addictive.

    Imagine a foot-high pile of broccoli, or a giant bowl of apple slices. Do you know anyone who would binge broccoli or apples? On other hand, imagine a mountain of potato chips or a whole bag of cookies, or a pint of ice cream. Those are easy to imagining vanishing in an unconscious, reptilian brain eating frenzy. Broccoli is not addictive, but cookies, chips, or soda absolutely can become addictive drugs.

    I found it was just easier to eat foods that don't have labels. Once you get used to the change it becomes so much easier, and the less you eat of the processed junk the less you want to eat it. I found that by eating whole foods I had way less cravings and when I did they were much more manageable. You are doing great Starr and you just keep it up and you WILL have that life you want...the one without ANY limits! xoxo Jaylene