A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Breaking the chains

The fourth of July is one of my FAVORITE time of the year. I love to celebrate the freedom that I have in this wonderful country that we live in. I love to think about those people that have died for our freedoms. It is a wonderful feeling to know that we live in a land where we have so much. We are greatly blessed in this land. I think the most precious thing we have in this land is that it is founded upon our God. This time of year always makes me think about how many opportunities available to me. Am I taking advantage of those opportunities? As the day started, the busy day was progressing, I started to feel the old familiar feeling of, I don't want to be healthy on this day feeling. I want to enjoy the carnival food that is ever so unhealthy for me. And even though I was preparing our lunches, healthy snacks, and water for drinking, I still felt that old familiar feeling, smells, sounds and sights of the carnival. I LOVE carnival food. It's always been a happy time for me. I think I have felt a freedom when I go to a fair or carnival. I think in my life it was a time that I was able to be a kid. And my dad loved the carnival so he was happy too. Which was important to me. In my head and heart I was focused on remaining steadfast to my goals, and good desires. However, deep down I also felt like I want to succumb to the smells around me. I didn't realize this about myself, until I walked through it while being very aware of how unhealthy it is for me. I think also having my sister with me, was "helping" me into wanting it more and more. I think I was using my sister as an excuse to fall into that trap. The sandwich I made of whole grain, fresh veggies, and 3 oz of chicken just didn't taste as good to me, as it did the day before. I wasn't even aware of these feelings until two days later. wow. My husband was being so supportive to me, and I took that support as judgment. My emotions were in control. Today, I have a new perspective. I didn't succumb. But I didn't get angry about it. Why? I don't know. I am evaluating these feelings currently. I am evaluating why not getting what I want makes me angry, and self destructive. I don't know the answer to that question. I am willing to find out though. Even though I know it will hurt to figure those things out. I will have to step outside of my comfort zones. In more ways than one. Anger kept me from succumbing, but not a positive feeling, and I want to change that about myself. I know this is a process, and sometimes it's not going to be the most comfortable process, but like I said before, it is my job to step outside of my comfort zones. It is my job to break the chains of obesity. It is my responsibility to change the future for myself and LillyRose. I should feel uncomfortable. I should indulge in more healthy things in life, and for me that is going to feel "weird" because I am not used to feeling it. My hope is that LillyRose will feel used to feeling healthy. That is my prayer. Daily, as I try to work on physical, emotional and spiritual self I realize that I am used to stress. And this stress had weighed me down for long enough. Each day, I try to give my weight to the savior, and apply the atonement to my life. And each time I do this I feel lighter about my life, my weight and who I am. God does not create ugly things. I know that I am sent here to fulfill a purpose. I have to focus on this purpose each day. It is okay for me to have goals, desires, and achievements. It is okay for me to have a healthy and happy life. Another day in the Journey has given me more to think about. Satan wants us to be numb. And for a while I was content to not feel or think for myself. However, I am no longer willing to participate in that cycle. I am willing to figure out what is healthy for me though. I willing to take care of myself. I am willing to go where God wants me to go. With that said, LillyRose is finally asleep and I need to fold some more laundry. A day in the life. lol.

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