A face without freckles is like a night without stars...

Starr is me, I am her, and she is I. She is so much more than she thinks she is. If you asked her, she would say she is just a mom, wife, daughter, sister, and friend. However, she has been told many times, that she is more than that. Her loving Heavenly Father reminds her all the time, that she has gifts and talents to share with the world, and that like unto her name, she should let them so shine before others, that they may light the day, like the stars light the night. She is passionate, loyal, and gentle all at the same time.

Often when people see her they don't see a gentle, quiet and fragile woman; however, they are wrong. Deep down inside that's who she is, and only those who are truly looking, will see who she really is. If you happen to make it through her exosphere, consider yourself to be a blessed individual. Not many make it there, but when they do, they have a permanent place. Her caring ways, allow her to see things in the world a bit differently than others, unique to a fault.

She truly sees through a darkened glass, and can see beyond the darkness, and find hope throughout the world. Beyond her large, thick exterior are gems within her that are priceless, that are only valued on a spiritual level. Buried within the layers of her atmosphere are different pieces of her puzzle, and even she has yet to put all of the pieces into place. May you enjoy each piece she writes; they truly are the picture into her puzzle.

My Children

I am the mama of two all encompassing children, who own every ounce of my heart and soul, even the part their dad holds onto gets kicked out at times when one of the two does something magical to melt my heart. LillyRose is our precious big girl now, who is a whopping 6 years old! From the moment she wakes in the morning until her head hits the pillow at night in one way or another she reminds us that she holds a status the rest of us don't: Miss Diva Wildfire. Her independent nature, and natural ability to question the world around her has given her the actual gift of life, as every family member knew when she was born at 2lbs 6oz, a fighter since the day she was born.

Our son Abraham Jr. is our love bug. He has eyes that melt every inch of any woman's soul, Look out Ladies! At 5 years old, he is such a smarty pants and I LOVE it! His father recently said he had a genius on his hands, I didn't dispute him or his shining pride I felt emanating from his smile. My son is like the coals beneath a beautiful fire, and often times these parts of his personality help me through my days and "ignite my own fires within myself." Like his sister he too came into this world a fighter at 3lbs 6oz, and his tantrums prove to us that life wouldn't be as interesting without him.

My Children "run" the show, even though we would never admit that to them! That would result in utter defeat in our battle of parenthood. Our days revolve around their schedules, routines, likes, dislikes and even the amount of dishes in the sink when mommy has friends over! My oh my! ;) Together they make up the valves within our hearts, and are the blood circulating through our veins. We are extremely blessed to be their parents and though parenthood has tested us in ways we never imagined, I know we'd be lost without it.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Third days a charm?

Well today would be like day three of my "healthy life" and I am really sturggling to excercise to, and honestly yesterday, I think it was Cameron coming with me that motivated me, but today he can't because of his PT test tomorrow and I have to do it on my own. Why is it that I am motivated by other people so much? I don't know, maybe God just designed me that way. Or maybe, I am just used to taking care of everyone else except myself? Why is it so hard for me to just get out there and walk. It's like I dread it in my mind all day long? Even though I know it WILL make me feel better. I know I am tired today from being up since 3:30 this morning after LillyRose woke me up for food, and then projectile vomitted it all over me, and since then, I haven't been able to fall asleep, so that could have to do with not feeling so well. I hope she starts to feel better though, she hasn't kept much of any of her feedings down, only a few ounces. I don't think it's anything to major, but if she keeps on doing it, I may have to take her in to be seen. Maybe I am being to hard on myself? You would think that I would be able to walk 3 days in a row. But I am struggling with it. All of this just feels uncomfortable to me, which I know is good, but at the same time, still feels uncomforable. I was eating comfort foods all the time, so there was no reason to feel uncomfortable. Now,that I don't have that. Well you can follow the logic I guess I have some more things to deal with, and I can't hide behind food anymore. I used to hide behind weed and that has been long gone for three years. Wow, the spirit just spoke to me so clearly, it was literally like an aha moment in the making. Today is the day I was baptized in the church 3 years ago! And satan wants me to feel bad! He doesn't want me to remember all the good that has happened in my life since being a member of the church. wow, I really have been a member for 3 years now, and I don't even know where the time went. My life is so different now. I definately need to get this negative feeling out my head because today satan doesn't win! Gotta go read my Patriarcheal blessing to remind me exactly where I'm headed!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

la resitance...

So yesterday was a little test for me. Am I really committed to taking care of myself? All day, I thought about what it would take to make a better me. I sat and wrote, watched inspirational videos, and thought mostly. However, I wasn't DOING anything. I thought how I should throw all the junk food out of our house, how I should get up and walk, how I should listen to my hypno CD's by Deanna Nunez, how should do this, and should do that. So finally, I put the CD in. Listened. Nothing happened. Then I took a shower. Then I went for a walk, 2 miles. And then I was ready to clear out all the junk in my house related to food, sitting around tempting me. So when I woke this morning, I finally did it. I got rid of all stuff sitting around tempting me to eat unhealthy. And replaced it with stuff that is a better option for me. It feels good to know I actually did it. Now I just have to keep myself motivated throughout the day to do my walk tonight, RAIN or SHINE. We all know how the rain can deter us from putting on our walking shoes. Even though 90% of the time it rains in WA. No longer a good excuse for me anymore. I was struggling yesterday with my new choice to live a healthier lifestyle. Not sure why. It was making more emotional that ever and giving me anxiety, I tried to work through it the best way I could. I failed a few times and ate things that I shouldn't of. Hence, the reason I wanted to get rid of all the junk in the house. Not strong enough to put myself around temptation like that. LillyRose is getting big too, she is 10 pounds now. And growing fast. Cameron is hard at work. And most days works out twice a day, and is really trying hard to pass his PT test. We are enjoying parenthood, even though at times we struggle with it. Our apartment seems too small, but then last night after watching a show one Prophet Monson life, I realized how blessed we are to even have an aparment, and how thankful I am that Cameron is able to provide for us, and has the income that he does. All is well in the land of the Young clan. For today anyhow. I'll let ya know how tomorrow goes. :)

Monday, June 27, 2011

A healthy gem

 This blog is dedicated to becoming a healthier person, physically, emotionally and spiritually. I think deep down inside sometimes we all struggle with our identities. Who we are? Where to do we come from? Why we are here? What is our calling in life? Each person has a different path in front of them that will answer these questions. We have past, present and future lives that we have led, are living or have yet to live and the choices we make reflect how we have lived each of these lives. Choices affect all areas of life. Choices we have made in the past do affect our present and future lives. For example, I did not become 293 pounds overnight. (yes, this is a true weight after having my daughter, and while I was pregnant with her I weighed less, so the weight really doesn't have to do with having her.) My weight is a reflection of several things in my life. In my head it is caused by several things: My childhood, my choices and my excuses. It is caused from making bad eating habits. It is caused from making unhealthy lifestyle choices. It is caused from not taking care of Starr. Everyone tells me how beautiful I am, and they are right, I am. What I am not, is a healthy person. I have been working on the emotional, and spiritual aspects of my life for about three years now, however, it is time to face the one thing in my life that I have never wanted to face: My physical health. I think that if we really want to tap into emotional and spiritual health we also must tap into our physical lifestyles. (Really easy to write about and really hard to actually put words into motion.) I am the type of person that just doesn't get the realistic side of life very often. I am intuitive, creative and I love to live in a fantasy world. It is a large part of who I am. Unfortunately, this part of me has led me to more excuses than carter has pills, in the words of my dad. I am not trying to put myself down, or be unrealitic about losing weight, because quite honestly, it's real easy to put weight on, however, it's real hard to keep off. It hard to change habits that have been there, probably since I was a child and even knew about weight gain or loss. However, I have known about weight problems since I was a child. Many members of my family have struggled with weight issues. Matter of fact there is just a generational chain of obesity in my family, that quite frankly has not been broken. Whatever the reasons behind the weight, it still has not been broken, and quite honestly I don't want to pass that chain on to my daughter. I am dedicated to my daughter and I want her to understand what living a healthy life feels like. I have carried my weight around long enough, it's time to face the stupid numbers that don't define me. It's time to become a healthy gem.